- Category: Featured Articles
- Monday, 03 February 2014
- Written by blog
- Hits: 3616
Forrest Gump Acts of Courage When No One Is Looking...
The greatest teaching moments in life often come when no one is looking but you. In a Forrest Gump moment the feather floats down past your nose and you realize that you have been blessed with a “forever memory”. Those memories that you just cannot forget and can be pulled up whenever needed. You carry these memories in your minds camera, and cherish them in your heart because they define what it means to me a human in community.
This is a story that until now, few know it happened. There are many of these stored in my heart. I often do things in the name of kindness that are for me to share with just myself. This is one of those moments and I am using it as a teaching fable to illustrate the power of kindness and elegance in action.
I used to travel often around the country. After several of these trips, I begin to become aware of the many homeless people found on the way to exceptionally beautiful events filled with great food, wine, and entertainment. The irony of this did not escape me and I always brought a “give away” budget to share with many of them on the way.
One late evening in Washington DC, I arrived at my hotel and realized I needed some supplies for an early morning meeting. As I walked the several blocks to a drugstore it begin to snow with an icy fierceness I have never experienced in California. In my huddled hurry I almost passed an elderly man wrapped in cardboard, pressed up against a warmer store window, his eyes closed and filling with snowflakes. His hands were clasped in front of him, lifeless, and I walked over afraid he might be dead.
“Hello sir, hello sir” I whispered to him as I felt his hands, may I get you anything? He nodded his head slowly and huddled back into his cardboard. I looked around wondering where would he go tonight, how would he keep warm, where was food for him? It is a helpless feeling and I did the only thing that would make me feel empowered. I walked into that drugstore and spent all my travel budget on blankets, food, gloves, a jacket and hats. I brought these out to him and told him I could not leave him cold and hungry. “Thank you” he whispered, “thank you for not finding me invisible.”
I slowly helped him put on the gloves over his cold gnarled fingers, placed two hats on his head, wrapped a scarf around his head, and lay out food for him. A tear rolled down his face in gratitude for something that no human should be thanked for–for showing respect, kindness and humanity to someone in need. In reality he was not being helped by me, I was being lifted by him. I begin to understand that moments of grace, of magical human connection–come when you reach for them without planning. When you are in an ego state of not needing anything back in return. This is the reward of kindness, a state of grace and elegance that you cannot buy or coerce—it is frosting of life found in true human connection.
I walked up the street towards my hotel and turned back at the end of the block for on last look. What? I was shocked to see he was gone! Then I spotted him across the street shuffling in determination with his large bag. Except it was almost empty from handing out blankets and food to the other homeless people huddled in the snow. They were not invisible to him, they were in need of kindness, respectful acknowledgement and a human touch… And he was happy to share all that he had.
These moments of no one watching your actions, of defining your character by your actions, are the diamonds in our life story. They sparkle with hope and promise and keep your spirit warm when nights are filled with snow, darkness and hunger. We cannot always be good, we won’t always be fair, we might even be angry with the wrong people at the wrong time. We will hurt people with our unconscious behavior.
But we can always strive to be kind. It is the great equalizer. This is what Speaking in Elegance means. Your true character is modeled through your words, actions and human connections. Stay conscious of them. Be elegant, you’ll feel the difference.
- Category: Featured Articles
- Thursday, 21 November 2013
- Written by blog
- Hits: 3102
What Is Syncronicity and Why Does it Happen? And the answer is not a Police song by Sting...
I have always felt it--in childhood you learn it is called Deja Vu and it seems you have been somewhere before... Your surroundings feel knowable in an eerie way. As I have gotten older, I have dreams that sometimes come true--some good, and then, not all the time is it happy news but a life change. There is a name for this--synchronicity, as noted by Carl Jung and M. Scott Peck in "The Road Less Traveled." One of my favorite books of all time which means more to you each time you pick it up. In perfect syncronicity, each time I open it to a page it is exactly what I need to read...
The universe that is depicted by mechanistic science is entirely predictable. Everything is accounted for by laws of causation. Yet, how can science account for what we don't understand. A force that works on its own.
A story is told of a certain M. Deschamps who, as a boy in Orleans, France, was presented with a piece of plum pudding by a guest of the family, M. de Fortgibu. Years later Deschamps, now a young man, ordered plum pudding in a Paris restaurant, only to find that the last piece had just been taken. The waiter discreetly indicated the direction of the guilty patron who, it turned out, was none other than de Fortgibu. Many years later, at a dinner party where Deschamps was again offered plum pudding, he took the opportunity to recount the above events concerning de Fortgibu. Finishing his tale, and still eating his plum pudding, he remarked that all that was missing was de Fortgibu. Soon the door burst open and in came de Fortgibu himself, now a disoriented old man who had gotten the wrong address, and so had entered by mistake!
How many times have you been thinking of someone and they call or email out of the blue?
The most common meaningful coincidences are those seemingly random but apparently purposeful events which speak to us directly in terms of personal meaning. For instance, psychiatrist C.G. Jung reported a beetle arriving at the window of his office as a client was describing a dream involving just such an insect. Her dream centered on the golden Egyptian scarab beetle:
"While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned around and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes."
Jung notes that up to this point in the therapy the patient had been extremely difficult to treat, clinging to a rigid notion of rationality. When the actual insect of her dream came flying through the window, her perception of reality began to soften and change.
Jung used the term "synchronicity" for such meaningful coincidences. They are considered "acausal," meaning they cannot be reduced to a cause-and-effect explanation.
I suspect these kinds of events are much more common than popular scientistic views would have us believe, and I daresay they happen more often to individuals who are open to intuitive perceptions. Coaching opens these meridians as does any practice that takes you from a narrow way of thinking and relating to one that opens up a larger sky of ideas and perceptions.
So on my best birthday ever--I toast to syncronicity and wonder who will respond to this post? 
- Category: Featured Articles
- Thursday, 07 November 2013
- Written by blog
- Hits: 3109
“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women”
Madeline Albright
These poignant words were quoted in my first session of Leadership California and each day they became more inspirational. Our gender is being called upon to be brave and have the courage to do the hard work of facilitating change. Many generations of young ladies behind us are more than qualified to fill our capitol steps and boardrooms. And by the way, so are we…
Fifty-one powerful women from Leadership Class came to our state capitol to explore how to engage, and grow women in leadership positions. Not only in governmental positions of power, but in all sectors of business.
And in several conversations with these women, I found that most of us did not have a female mentor who helped us grow in our positions and in knowledge. Yet when someone did, their eyes sparkled with gratitude and their jobs were filled with commitment. The elephant laughing in this living room has been waiting for us to call it out and name it.
We are not championing each other.
More often than not, women have not been helping other women to succeed in business in the same way that men have built their networks. So the positions of leadership we could occupy are not being filled by our gender unless we value elevating one another.
Ladies, we need to link arms and step forward into the leadership positions that await our talents!
Recently, McKinsey Research has taken a leadership stand in understanding the role of women in leadership in the business world, and what is keeping us out of positions of power. When the McKinsey Women Matter team asked corporate executives around the world what they valued in leadership attributes, these four skills were more commonly found in women:
· Inspiration
· Intellectual stimulation
· Participatory decision—making or collaboration with all stake holders
· Setting expectations and building rewards
There are more women attending college today than men yet the leaking talent pipeline has continued to favor men in positions of power—why? Women start out their careers ready to take on the world and then they hit a wall. The invisible wall of juggling a family, going back to school to further their education or being the caretaker for their parents. These commitments, when married to the “face time” that has been the norm in positions of power traditionally held by men—have become the breaking point for women stepping off the career track. The current paradigm of company thinking rewards those who have a wife, not necessarily those who are a wife, mother, partner, adventurer or want a life!
I experienced this when my children were not yet in school. I was actually told a job would not fit me when they found out the age of my children. My commitment would be split at times they feared, and yes, they were right. Yet I knew I would have worked harder to succeed just because of this situation. In fact I continued on to do just this as my career progressed. But with the birth of my third child, I had to turn down juicy career advancing jobs because I was a mother first—the hours required just in the commute would have adversely affected my family.
This paradigm will never change unless we as a gender make a commitment to encouraging work cultures that value job sharing, flex-time, work at home options and family values practiced at all executive positions. This is not only about sanity in a world that is communication saturated, this mindset allows for the thinking, dreaming and the innovation that comes when you are given time for free space creation.
So how do we change embedded management mindsets? The current adopted mindsets on WHY a woman cannot do a particular job due to other commitments?
It is well known that men have advanced based on potential while women rise based on performance. Since it takes much longer to build a legacy of performance, the men step into positions of leadership faster—a very frustrating circle for many women in middle management.
Yet if women in HR and management have the mindset of making sure they are advancing other women based on THEIR potential, what a difference that small change in behavior would make across company management and executive positions globally! The change that wants to emerge is being felt by all of us women. We have to help one another transition company thinking to one of embracing women in positions of leadership and helping one another to get there.
In other words, we need to be brave.
We must have the courage to speak up for our peers and mentor their growth. Changing a current management mindset takes a great deal of energy—plus you must also be prepared for the push back.
Continue on and be brave, be strong--have courage. This is a long journey that requires our dedication to modeling the exceptional leadership skills of women and how they influence the success of companies, families, communities and global politics.
Our legacy is laid out for us on what needs to change. So what will you do differently now and will you speak up? When your voice is trembling because you have chosen to push back against old thinking--remember to stay brave.
You have generations of women all standing behind you.
- Category: Featured Articles
- Wednesday, 06 November 2013
- Written by blog
- Hits: 2975
This is from one of my favorite blogs--The Leadership Freak. Short and sassy--this sums up being a leader of a company, a family, a division or of your life...
Cowards can’t lead. Inaction, pain, and failure follow cowardly leaders. Cowardly leaders:
1. Won’t decide.
2. Delay, posture, and blame.
3. Reject responsibility.
The most surprising aspect of leadership is the courage it takes. When I began, I thought leading was about excitement. Today, years later, it’s about courage.
Input from Facebook, “Leaders need courage when …”
1. They wake up every morning.
2. Faced with lack of direction.
3. Experimenting.
4. Adding a team member.
5. Endings are necessary.
6. Giving bad news.
7. They’re leading and when they’re following.
See more on Facebook.
Responding with courage:
Mark Miller, in, The Heart of Leadership, writes, “Leaders respond with courage when they:
1. Articulate the vision for the future.
2. Build relationships with challenging people.
3. Challenge people to grow and change.
4. Mend broken relationships.
5. Confront difficult problems.
6. Make hard or unpopular decisions.
Developing courage:
You aren’t leading if you don’t feel the need to act courageously. Every meaningful act of leadership requires courage.
Mark says a person develops courage when they, “Practice taking action.” Courage takes initiative. In a word courage acts.
Talk yourself into rather than out of. Delay drains courage.
Fear:
Fear fuels courage. Think about what you and others will miss if you don’t respond with courage. Fear what won’t happen. Ask,
How am I falling short or missing out because I refuse to take action?
Mark instills fear when he writes:
“Your missed opportunities are often no big deal in isolation. They are, however, cumulative.”
Fear is useful, but cowardice – unwillingness to act – has no place in leadership.
Summary:
1. Every meaningful act of leadership requires courage.
2. The first way to develop courage is to habitually take action. Avoid delay.
3. The second way to develop courage is to fear what won’t happen if you refuse or delay action.
Cowards can’t lead. Inaction, pain, and failure follow cowardly leaders. Cowardly leaders:
1. Won’t decide.
2. Delay, posture, and blame.
3. Reject responsibility.
The most surprising aspect of leadership is the courage it takes. When I began, I thought leading was about excitement. Today, years later, it’s about courage.
Input from Facebook, “Leaders need courage when …”
1. They wake up every morning.
2. Faced with lack of direction.
3. Experimenting.
4. Adding a team member.
5. Endings are necessary.
6. Giving bad news.
7. They’re leading and when they’re following.
See more on Facebook.
Responding with courage:
Mark Miller, in, The Heart of Leadership, writes, “Leaders respond with courage when they:
1. Articulate the vision for the future.
2. Build relationships with challenging people.
3. Challenge people to grow and change.
4. Mend broken relationships.
5. Confront difficult problems.
6. Make hard or unpopular decisions.
Developing courage:
You aren’t leading if you don’t feel the need to act courageously. Every meaningful act of leadership requires courage.
Mark says a person develops courage when they, “Practice taking action.” Courage takes initiative. In a word courage acts.
Talk yourself into rather than out of. Delay drains courage.
Fear:
Fear fuels courage. Think about what you and others will miss if you don’t respond with courage. Fear what won’t happen. Ask,
How am I falling short or missing out because I refuse to take action?
Mark instills fear when he writes:
“Your missed opportunities are often no big deal in isolation. They are, however, cumulative.”
Fear is useful, but cowardice – unwillingness to act – has no place in leadership.
Summary:
1. Every meaningful act of leadership requires courage.
2. The first way to develop courage is to habitually take action. Avoid delay.
3. The second way to develop courage is to fear what won’t happen if you refuse or delay action.