All professional coaches are trained to ask powerful questions, and these can change along with the direction the client wants to focus. Yet these three are consistent and for good reason:

1. What’s most concerning for you?

2. What makes this so important to you?

3. What’s really at stake for you here?

Reflect on what you would say in any given situation and with each thought you will dive deeper into your intention for the outcome you want. What you want to do is get by the “fear” answers.

Values:
Fears point to things we cling to – we don’t want to lose – something we’re protecting.

Fear points to our values in emotional and behavioral terms.

Barriers:
Fear creates barriers. I’ve watched fearful people talk in self-protective ways while, at the same time, they search for weaknesses or faults in others. It may not be intentional but it’s manipulative.

Connecting:
Asking the questions I listed above allows people to get in touch with their values and see core issues. Connect with others through understanding. You’ll disconnect the conversation from the start if you judge. When someone expresses a concern, ask, “What makes this so important to you?”

Avoid:

1. Judging.

2. Belittling or minimizing. “That doesn’t seem very important.”

3. Quick conclusions.

4. The temptation to fix. The first lesson of coaching is you don’t fix people.

5. PRACTICE-LISTENING
   
   

Where coaching questions are useful:
Instead of asking “What’s wrong” ask a stressed out employee (after they’ve calmed down), “What’s really at stake for you here?” Listen for and connect through the values that come out.

Coaching approach:
You could use five types of questions to advance a coaching conversation:

1. What’s happening?

2. What do you want to happen?

3. What are the next steps?

4. When will you take those steps?

5. How can I help?
   
   

You can have coaching conversations without being a coach. But to truly create a coaching culture leaders should have their own professional coach that motivates and champions their unique abilities.

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