True Self Responses that build trust and integrity

1. Sitting in uncomfortable emotions of others without panicking

2. Sensing the emotions of others and flowing with them without judgment of a desired outcome

3. Sensitivity to personal space and boundaries and the flexibility to understand when you need to be responsive to your boundaries being crossed, or to those whose boundaries you have crossed

4. Understanding the dynamics of “false self” emotional patterns and “authentic self” emotional patterns

5. Resisting the temptation to “fix” uncomfortable situations or other people/teams because you know better

False Self-Thinking—it keeps you stuck and in conflict

1. Takes everything personally. I have to solve this, who can I blame.

2. Seeks approval from outside the self in order to get approval. What is best for us is pushed aside because basic survival skills have been activated.

3. Speaks with the words “ I know, I can’t, I never, what if this were to happen?” Example: “I should do it this way but I never will do it again.”

4. Feels victimized and wants a bad guy to focus on. Bosses, governments, parents, spouses, any one but who needs to take responsibility to change the situations.

5. Runs a mental tape of perceived wrongs in their head. Old hurts and conversations are brought up over and over that make you a hero or victim in your story.

6. There is no point, no resolution of the problem, no understanding of why it happened, just a circular pattern of ineffectiveness.

7. Your established patterns and ways of thinking provide comfort and anything that disrupts this comfort is attacked. The false self is unable or unwilling to learn new ways of thinking.